Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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