I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
