so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we should paint friendship bongs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
