im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
