I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
