i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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