Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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