when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
