You just made me feel so damn special
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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