Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
