I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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