I got chris browned last night
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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