just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
