I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize