apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
