She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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