Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
