If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
