nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
