p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
