Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
