My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
