Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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