dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
