you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
