i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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