I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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