Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
