He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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