I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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