Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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