Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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