tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
