I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
