he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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