There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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