Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
