I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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