Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize