It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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