Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
