is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
