About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize