the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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