Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
me + whiskey = a bad person
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
