I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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