I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
