I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
