youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize