So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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