i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
