felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
