well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
