I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
