I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
