Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
