Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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