Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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