i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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