So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
