I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
