So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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