so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's blow job season.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
