Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
organizing the empties. That sober.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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