Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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