OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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