you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
