why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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