just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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